PREGNANCY

I promised to dedicate my next post to pregnancy, so this is it! When you get married, especially in this part of the world, everyone expects to hear the cry of a baby in nine months time. In fact, that topic rules most of the prayers for the marriage. However, nobody exactly prepares you for what you are going to face in order for those prayers to be answered.

Being pregnant for the first time, you are introduced to a different world altogether. This new world is governed by endless set of laws. Some of which you will have to learn to obey such as avoiding some drugs,strenuous exercise etc. Others you are forced to obey and you can't help yourself such as annoying cravings for particular meals, and complete dislike for some other meals. From the terrible smell that plagues you, mettalic taste, morning sickness, night sickness for some others, nausea, loss of appetite, crazy appetite to eat for some others, among many symptoms in first trimester (as far as I am concerned, that is the craziest trimester for a first time mum) to the more stable second trimester and finally to the third trimester characterised by real tiredness even to breath. I haven't mentioned the weight gain which had people go from 'you've put on some weight', 'you look really healthy', 'you're glowing', in first trimester to "fine woman" in third trimester because of how really "fine" your face especially your nose have become.

One thing pregnancy taught me is: Motherhood is sacrifice and it begins the day you get pregnant. A lot of sacrifice goes into being and staying pregnant, it just keeps getting bigger at birth and the years that follow.
Throughout out the period of being pregnant, I saw my mum in a different light, and now I have learned to appreciate her more. Like our soldiers who we regard as heroes, because they sacrifice their comfort and many times their lives, and many make it out with battle scars, every mother is a hero!

IT'S A BOY!

JOHN OSAMUDIAMEN OMOIKE

Let me start by apologising for being AWOL for so long. I've been busy being pregnant and nursing thereafter. Not a good reason I guess, but that was it until a burglar broke into my house and left with my laptop among other things, then I just had to wait to replace it. Today, I decided that I couldn't keep waiting so I rose to the challenge of using Hubby's tab(not exactly used to all these modern stuffs). I must say wasn't that bad.

Back to the main gist, on the 19th of August, yours truly's status changed from new wife to new mother of a handsome baby boy. I'm really grateful to God for his mercies and grace through that interesting journey. On that note, I want to dedicate the next set of posts to pregnancy and birth and I would love to hear your stories especially first timers.

Once again, congrats to me!

BEEN A WHILE

Wow! it's been a whiiiiile. I have had my hands full and I promise to keep you all posted on what these things were with time. I am back hopefully for good. So much to write about but not today. Today I chose to just say hello to my people, how una dey?

HE HITS ME BUT I HAVE TO STAY

I've had cause to do a lot of thinking over the years about wife battering and I have made my conclusions based on some of the real life examples I saw and heard. These conclusions have remained with me for a while and I have shared them with a few people. Today, I choose to share this because of a particular case that had remained on the airwaves and print media since 2011. Last week, a verdict was given and the accused was sentenced to death by hanging. After watching his response to the verdict, I told myself that my conclusions were right after all. Again and again, these things have the same pattern, why then do we choose to remain in it?

This is my conclusion: A wife who is being battered by her husband shouldn't let it happen twice. She should leave. Leaving doesn't mean the marriage has ended, just leave that house, relocate, go somewhere else. A man who is violent has demons temporarily or permanently living in him. I can not understand why someone chooses to remain in the same house with so many demons. Leaving is for his own good too because it might make him sober enough to genuinely seek help from God. Secondly, you will save him from committing murder by leaving. If you do not leave, He will kill you unintentionally, or you will kill him in self defense unintentionally or he will throw a very pregnant you down the stairs, you will miscarry so you would have lost a child.
If he kills you, and it is proven that he had ever battered you before that day, the law says it was intentional, thus he will die by hanging. If you kill him, the law will charge you manslaughter, then you can very well spend the rest of your days in prison waiting and praying for one governor to come and offer pardon to some prisoners. Some women have become prayer points in the area of child bearing because of being battered while pregnant and are holding unto God for a miracle because the natural way has been destroyed.
A lot of women say that they stay because of their children, I say to them those children wont appreciate that when they become orphans because he killed you, or when they have to live with the knowledge of their mum in prison for killing their dad, or when our airwaves will be parading either of you for murder and they have to face their friends. Please leave that place for a while.

THE WAY TO A MAN'S HEART.

There is a popular saying: ''the way to a man's heart is through his stomach''. How true is this statement? Well I have never doubted my husband's love for me. I know he loves me not necessarily because of food which by the way I cook well. However, the events of the last weekend inspired this post.

PENNE ARRABIATA

So my friend used this very lovely pix as her display picture on BBM and my love for food was awakened.

The thing is I really love pasta and so I am always excited to find new ways to make and eat them. I asked my friend what the food was called and if she was able to swallow it (you know some of these our western dishes aren't exactly African taste bud friendly). She replied it was an Italian dish called 'Penne Arrabiata' and that it was quite spicy so eating wont be hard on me. She further explained that in spite of the 'big name' it bears, it is basically pasta in tomato sauce.

"NOT ONE OF US"

                                                            www.namywedding.com

In these parts, the moment you tell your folks you have accepted someone's marriage proposal, the very next question is: 'Where is he from?' Nigeria is so multi-ethnic that getting married to someone from the same state doesn't exactly mean you are getting married to one of your own. However, that could be more tolerable than another state entirely. We have very crazy and unimaginable ideas about each group and it's terrible to note that, this ideas worsen when it involves groups that share states with us. So the girl's parents say a big NO because the men from that region are flirts, while the man's parents say NEVER because the women from that region boss their husbands (trust me some reasons are so unreasonable, these were the most reasonable ones I could pick for examples).

I cannot even begin to imagine the drama involved when one of them isn't Nigerian. I think the drama spirals down very chaotic scenes when this said non-nigerian dares to be 'white-skinned'. I remember once, I was in a car when a friend of mine was telling her mum about our friend who happens to be an indigene of her tribe. So the gist got to the point where she got married to an Asian, the mother just turned and looked at her daughter, shook her head in sadness and then said "eow! dat one don loss, hmmmm". This our friend still lives in this same country with her parents, the guy doesn't, so who is lost? but that was very typical so we just laughed it off.

                                                           www.romancemeetslife.com

Well, I am from a tribe called Oron in Akwa Ibom State, and I am married to a man from the Benin tribe in Edo state. It takes 6 hours (all conditions being equal) to travel to or from the two states, and there are 4 states, a number of towns and villages which I have never taken time to count and maybe 5 to 6 bodies of water (I really think there are more) between them. So I really did an INTER-TRIBAL marriage. The beauty however is, that my people and his people just wanted God-fearing spouses for their children and so didn't exactly care if we came from the moon. They just took turns to advise us to learn to cope with each other knowing we were from different parts, and as such shouldn't expect too much. Thanks to civilization and the God factor, a lot of the drama involved with inter-tribal marriages are reducing, my prayer is that it comes to a zero level, AMEN. Let's hear your inter-tribal or inter-racial experience or that of someone close.

AMALA AND EWEDU IN WARRI

Amala is a dish enjoyed by the Yorubas especially the Oyo people and it is generally served along side Ewedu. One of the major features of my lagos visits, is ensuring I have some before leaving. I looooove the dish, in fact there is one 'mama' at Sanya area of Surulere whose Amala/Ewedu just sits well with my taste buds. I am a natural food lover, so flavours and tastes are everything. I should be able to savour the taste of a good food and I should be able to tell distinctively the different flavours that give the meal its general taste. In reality, I practically 'listen' to my taste buds when I take any meal especially if I am having it for the first time. As a result of this, I have had so many dishes that aren't indigenous to where I come from. Oh God! I just love food!
So by now you all know I live in Warri and you will be wondering why on earth I chose to find Amala in Warri. Hmmm, my dear, I was passing one day o, then I saw a sign board that read Amala spot. I was very excited and immediately my hunger for Amala became intense. We have a lot of Yorubas living or doing business on my street, so I thought to myself, this Amala spot must be good, probably catering for the Yoruba community here. Two days after I saw that sign, I carried myself to the place and bought Amala and Ewedu.
First of all, the Amala wraps were so tiny, well, I said to myself that must be as a result of the cost down south. Then I settled down to eat it, a decision I still regret even as I write this. I do not know what specie of Ewedu she used to cook it, but it absolutely didn't taste like Ewedu. It wasn't slimy at all, the popular 'Iru' flavour was totally absent and the peppery taste that yoruba dishes are known for was completely missing. The only good thing about that meal was the Amala, it tasted and felt like Amala. I sincerely wish I asked for okro soup instead, I am sure I wouldn't have felt so bad. I felt like a child whose ice cream or favourite toy was taken from her, I was so disappointed.
Okay, I know you are thinking, 'what did she expect, it's the south-south'. Well, I expected that if a Yoruba woman decides to prepare a native dish in a community where she is sure there are other Yoruba people, she would do it right, even if it means receiving supplies from the South-West. There are Calabar kitchens scattered across this country, when you walk into them you are treated to a decent Calabar dish, that leaves you wondering why you haven't been able to make the same dishes even though you stay in the same town. There was a Yoruba woman in Uyo whose restaurant served strictly yoruba dishes and she did very well, was quite popular and had a large clientelle. I have eaten there before and I can boldly say she served Yoruba dishes,this woman on my street doesn't.

THE MRS AND RELOCATION

One of the most common things that happen to a wife is relocation. Some women move from their houses or parents' houses to join their husbands in the same city. Others are privileged to a higher calling of moving across states and cities (my case), some are even called to a more higher calling of moving across countries and continents...hmmm what marriage can do. No matter where a woman is relocating from to her husband's house, it always involves some level of adjustments. Adjustments which may take days, sometimes months before one properly fits in.
OK, here's the thing, I grew up in Calabar, and if you have ever visited that city you will understand what I am about to say. Calabar has always been  calm, peaceful and serene. I actually grew up in a government quarters somewhere in Calabar, where I always could hear birds chirp in the afternoon loud and clear. I am sure that is a luxury that my Lagos sisters can only read about and maybe do some dreaming on the subject. So, that was pretty much my environment-very serene. The residents of the city recognized the serene nature, so it rubbed off on their lifestyle, the way and manner they talked and approached issues. Things had to be very bad before it resulted in fights. An average Calabar man is what you will like to describe as the jolly, good fellow. He loves to have his fun and would not want to be robbed of it. He will therefore do all he can to avoid anything and I mean anything at all that can take away his fun from him. Having been raised in such an environment, imagine having to relocate to Warri to join my husband. Hmmm, a complete contrast to what I knew. I can assure you, it hasn't been easy at all but we are better than when we started. The way people are so ready to show you how wrong you are and how right they are, the way cursing is regarded as a joke ('na joke nah'). I remember the day I heard two friends talk, apparently, one was very ill and was just recovering, so the other came on a visit. The first thing that came out of the visiting friend's mouth was: "Guy, u never die, I tink say as I come so na ur corpse I wan come see". I was very alarmed, only for the sick friend to reply laughingly "thunder fire ur mama" and they both laughed. My blood almost dried up. I looked around and noticed that I was the only one who found anything wrong with what happened. So I straightened up and whispered to myself :we learn everyday.

The restiveness of the youths got me worried, everyone is just prepared for any trouble. They arent afraid, instead, they just prepare themselves for uncertainties. That is one thing I am learning, it's a good thing even though it has bad roots. I think most people in this town are still trying to rid themselves of the scars of the crisis of the nineties,so it rubs off on their lifetyles. I am still learning to adapt to this place, trusting God for it.

WHOLE FRUITS OR FRUIT JUICES

I am one person who believes in healthy living and to achieve that, fruits are a common feature in my menu. However, I was raised by a mother who made drinks and loves drinks too. She made 'Punch', yoghurt, Chocolate drinks, and even some traditional drinks like 'Kunu' and 'Zobo'. Growing up in that house as the first child, I learned to make the drinks and then I learned to create new ones from existing ones. I found out early in life that I just enjoyed the burst of flavours when two drinks were combined so I did some unimaginable things that my dear mum never got to know. Some tasted right, some were plain bland while others were...smh. One experience I will never forget is the day I attempted to make a juice from African Star Apple (agbalumo or udara). Hmmmm, my mother's blender has an indelible mark as a result of that experiment. I would therefore advise that you don't try this at home. After this experience, I took a long break off creating drinks or juices.

HOW PLENTY IS THE HOUSEWIFE'S PLENTY TIME?

It is often said that wives especially young ones prefer or are mandated by their husbands to remain housewives until the childbearing and nurturing stage is passed. This is done because it is believed it will afford them time, plenty of time actually to take care of the children, clean the house, care for her husband's needs and still have time to rest.
By the grace of God, I am a housewife for now, though I am trusting that the status changes soon as I dont prefer it and my husband is very worried about it. However, I am grateful to God for the privilege of being one, so that when I cross into being a career wife, I will appreciate the status and also have an understanding of what those housewives do. I dont have children yet, so there is no feeding the baby or 'school runs' to do. Neither do I have to scream out my vocal chords at two children to break up their fight while trying to prepare dinner (I fear for my neigbour's vocal chords!). I have come to know now that a wise housewife doesnt exactly have as much time as it seems especially with the children and all.

WELCOME

I'm sure you are wondering "Oh not again, another blog? must everyone blog?" Well I asked myself that question. I have been wondering what to do with the plenty time on my hands these days and of course the natural thing was to blog. Especially with my change of status(just recently got married*winks*) and I found out that talking is a natural thing with me. I would have talked my eventful days away but I am at home alone most times so I would not want neighbors to express their fears of living close to a mad woman. And when hubby is home, he really needs the rest. So I implore u to be my audience and let me just chat away. Thanks and God bless.